Day 297 Unemployed..

9/6/24 (8/27/24)

Day 297 Unemployed.. today im going to see chiikawa. i will not introduce you to him; you should already be aware of who he is...


now normally i'm not in the loop when it comes to these things. this popup is something that my friend wanted to go to really badly- and it looked cool. i love cute shit and have had my unhealthy share of plushies and tchotchkes but i've never been to a popup for something like this before, or even a mall in nyc so i was hella down.






his glory...



struggled to pick between the two..


[disclaimer: this was after a weekend of ego tripping] tremaine emory did not follow me back.. which is devastating because i took the time to follow him. Now i have to unfollow. i have to assert that i'm not a dickrider in any shape or form, i'm just very friendly. however theres still a chance im inside of the archive which i find very funny...


ANYWAY after chiikawa we went to 2 other malls in flushing. they were all about what youd expect from post covid mall... the last one was kinda interesting tho. like imagine a gentrified chinese mall. lots of stores w chinese but theres just like MARSHALLS and OLD NAVY randomly talking up most of the space. kinda hard to explain the vibe. like imagine ur in china and they put a chinese restaurant that sold burgers right next to a mcdonalds. but the mcdonalds was there first and sells chinese food also.







they were all fun, lots of stuff and people to look at etc.. absolutely bombed at ddr for like 2 rounds then locked in and got almost almost perfect scores. saw an erect badtz maru. queened out and weebed out all at the same time. cutie pie swag with the nenet was strong that day. getting to look like weeaboo trash is epic sometimes maybe i would not feel stupid and basic if i went to japan.





elongated badtz...

(ノ•ᴥ•)ノ ︵ ┻━┻

Womp Womp!?

8/13/24

I don't have any real updates. I just love talking. My brain has exited it's time to shut the fuck up mode. I have been doing a lot of thinking, though. About art and reality.

I'm currently couch surfing... which has been fun in a lot of ways. Not as "fun" as staying in the east village and being 20 minutes away from literally everything; but fun in some very necessary ways. In the boring sort of strange ways. For the last couple of weeks i've been in a deeper part of Brooklyn. Highkey lowkey it's been a great escape from fantasy land. It's definitely not purrfect [kinda like the only black person within a mile radius sometimes] but the time i have spent living in this basement has still caused my brain to undergo metamorphosis. Or maybe it could be black mold idk.

It's crazy cuz again, nothing even really happened or changed. Still on my 10 month strong entry level retail job search. Still can't afford an eighth... [but somehow end up smoking evryday] Still nawt getting everything i desire as soon as i think about it... Like IDK whats up with me still feeling this good right now but it's kinda epic.

Some of it might just have to do with where i am as an artist in this. And having a feeling of what i want to do with all this brain. Cuz like personally, i don't have to be consistent with making art; i can just live and it'll show in my work. Like literally getting EXP in a game. Kind of why i like to float and observe a lot. Not everything needs a reaction... I don't think that's rare either. I think it just comes from knowing how you want to express yourself and letting what you have to say come out. Like my brain takes every idea it sees and studies it as art... and mixes it in with whats already there.

So that meant that when i first moved here and was fucking around in LES and fairytale bk, all of the stimulation and distractions were just constantly being absorbed like my brain was on that metaphorical candied yuppie cocaine. It's an awareness that i'll sort of start feeling anytime i'm in the city doing shit for more than a week honestly. But i mean, thats what NYC does to artists, it's what it's for, right? I can admit i'm sort of drawn to all the stimulation and chaos and bearing witness to pure evil. Well,,, to a certain extent. But also of course tf nawt. Cuz it's like all this city is. Especially when it comes to music and art, where it's like all the yuppie cocaine foreign exchange transplant guarantor accumulated old money slave wealth is tossing quarters back at certain individuals for their n1993r fetishization and "culture" with an infinite appetite for novelty. Do you really think any good art comes out of catering to an audience like that? It gets old for everyone pretty fast, whether they realize it or not.

TBH i don't even know if I should be saying this as a technical "transplant"... but like im sure most of my native nyc friends would agree... and also they fuck with me so fuck literally anyone else's opinions. Like no way good art can be made if the audience is trying to extract something out of it. Whether it be consumed for its current relevance, "swag", or industry clout from writing about it, or even online mythology building. As an artist, DJ, or performer ur supposed to be there to take the audience on a ride. Like u can tell the difference between someone there who understands and is down for the ride, v.s. somebody just taking up space.

Like once the audience is mostly just people taking up space, is it not joever? It's a tale as old as time itself... I mean the artist has technically won, since they're probably getting paid by that point. Also, in this contempoorary age of hustle it is very hard for selling out to not be the main goal. Honestly there are some pretty good justifications for it, especially if you're getting opportunities in your hometown, escaping poverty, etc..

A shitty thing thats stupid and sucks also is that theres this kind of feedback loop from people taking up space, which sort of ends up infecting non-yuppies who aren't just there to take up space. If i had a nickel for everytime i've gone somewhere and the people there had no idea what they're listening to or watching, i would have way too many nickels. And nobody likes having too many nickels. You'll get them confused with quarters sometimes.. it's an outdated unit that's too small to be viable in any realistic shopping environment. Not as iconic as pennies either. But i digress...

Like if the show is dead or just a bunch of white dudes moshing to shitty [redacted] BPM [redacted] might as well just get fucked up and fall asleep in an uber or something. So now ur on ur phone recording not because you want to remember this fun moment, but because you subconsiously know that prolonged drug and alcohol use is destroying your ability to think. Which is leading you to record in the first place, because recording ruins everything. Very counterintuitive, i agree.

Like honestly this makes me empathize with the strictness of being in some neighborhoods... not the ones on sum racist or queerphobic shit but just the closeness and immediately questioning certain things happening that could uproot their life. That obvisously comes with a lot of its own baggage... But like, I lowkey understand where they be coming from. The world operates on multiple levels with multiple possibilities at all times. People will simply react how they think they should... Sometimes also still being wrong as fuck. But I think being strict and more intentional /secretive is cool honestly, and would encourage more boundaries to start being made in these creative spaces. With a big emphasis on different people w similar interests coming together for a specific reason. Cuz i mean honestly just the fact that there is shit for everybody, and stuff to build on is impressive coming from ATL... esp with electronic stuff. I just feel like if pretty much all real world institutional money is just gatekept and distributed by your ideals and ability to conform to certain spaces, how hard could it be for the same thing be applied to counter culture spaces by the people who create them?

i may not even be the right person to ask these questions... but if i won't blog it, who will!?!?!

Hello Again!!

8/11/24

It's been almost exactly 2 years since I made my first website. Everything has changed. I am different. The world is different! But ultimately i would say my relationship to the world remains the same. In that I am #real asf and tha wurld is fake.


I already have a blog. Those posts are like literal marijuana demon gremlin rants tho idk. Now I am #outside so I gotta keep things shorter and sweeter. These blog posts will be less meaty. I want them to function more like travel diaries too, so maybe they'll occaisionally just talk about shit that happened to me or whateva. My life is sort of silly RN.. am currently on my Ibn Battuta/ Miyamoto Musashi (Vagabond) / Emanon shit. Might even rip off Nekojiru and add lil drawings or smth!!!


To kick this #TotallyNotARebrand off, I just want to speak on how wild it is to go with the flow. Its like something you either can or can't do, until you decide to. I think its important to fight the flow, though. Conflict can bring clarity. Even trouble on the horizon can help show what's currently what. I have been experiencing a lot of what the world is for what it is recently. I've always ran the risk of becoming detrimentally nonchalant but i think that has made moving to nyc from atl not too hard of an adjustment. Not really trying to get too much into that RN, maybe later... but I do want to shout out mi friends Mei Lola (jungle network too!) and Daze for being goated.


Anyways, I'm like totally not going with the flow. The flow would be like having a car or something. Or 401k or any concrete goal. I just wanna make stuff and see what others make. From wat I can say tho every scene is cooked... Not even stating it as a fact, but that's what my lifetime and perspective have concluded. From the animators chained to their desk being paid in ketchup packets to to my experience nightcrawling. Not saying that everyhting sucks; but to me it does. Ok not actually. I just wonder how much of culture has reprocessed itself. Especially to fit a modern society that emphasises different things than before. I feel like other artists who like to dig and can see the future know where I'm coming from. I think it's a ticking time bomb all connected to money. We're already in the early '10s. What will happen when the singularity occurs!? Will be awesome to watch tbh!! Or maybe I'll be too busy watching and supporting down to earth artists...


Anyways I'm done rambling byee